How to stay sane and happy - short and to the point :)
(Not just) for those who don't like long reads - bullet points that will take weight off your shoulders
Expect shit will happen in life, accept it but don’t dwell on it. There’s a fine line between chronic cynism/pessimism and rational/informed cynism.
For example: learning useful self-defense techniques proactively is good. Being paranoid all the time, that you might get mugged and letting that limit your life is bad.
Boundaries - recognize what yours are, how to stop people from crossing them too much and you’ll be much happier.
For example: Everyone prefers to socialize to a different extent. If your partner or friends like to do it a lot (extroverts) and you are more introverted - that’s your boundary. It is ok to tell your friends you don’t want to join them for another night out, because you want to have some “me time” instead. It’s ok to tell your partner you don’t want to go on that trip, because there have been too many.
Know that things take time. Longer than you expect. Realize, that nothing in life is worth stressing about, is worth real sadness, madness, or anger. Things don’t go your way – do something about it, or ignore it. Getting angry won’t make it happen. Deal with obstacles sensimly.
Example: getting angry at a post office, because they are understaffed. The clerks can’t change that and their bosses don’t hear you. Pointless.
Things might come and go. Relationships, people, animals are important, but they can also come and go. Don’t take them for granted, but don’t despair if they go – don’t put your life on hold because someone/something is gone from your life. Balance is key.
Example: it’s ok to be sad after a break-up, but don’t do it for too long – start living, enjoying the opportunities that are in front of you, don’t dwell on what’s behind you. It won’t come back because you dwell. Look forward and a new thing will replace it eventually, very likely, it’ll be even better.
Shit does happen. Injury, death, disappointments – don’t fret about it.
Example: your car got scratched? Oh well, does it still drive? There you go.
Good shit happens too – don’t fret about it too much either – be like a thermostat, keep a leveled attitude, good or bad comes. Enjoy the good moment, but don’t get used to it. Again – life is a balance of the good and bad.
Example: doing well at work? Your business is growing? Great. But don’t raise your life expectations and needs because of it, one day it might change.
Other people see things differently, don’t struggle too much to make them see as you do. Give them the info, and then time, not pressure. They might start seeing things your way, or they might not - it’s not your problem.
Example: are you fighting for a cause? Don’t guilt-trip people or pressure them. That’s just giving them more reasons not to listen to you. Lead by example, answer their questions and let them find their own way.
The world moves with or without you. Technology, politics, laws, nature will do their thing whether you get involved or not. You might try to sway their direction a bit, but don’t expect more.
Example: your success or failure, your happiness or sadness, whether you sell millions of your services or nothing – is irrelevant to the world around you (barring a few friends and family perhaps). And that’s ok, they have their own stuff to worry about. If your friends don’t support you to the extent you would expect – it’s ok. They probably think the same about you. We all have our own stuff to worry about first and that’s just as it should be.
Social change is slow. Stay sane and on the path, small steps. Don’t expect to make world better in a few years. Do your best, then let it take its course.
Example: Fighting for a cause? Focus on whether you are doing what’s within your means to further the cause, don’t think you can change the world in your lifetime. Do your best, plant seeds around you and let them grow.
Always take time to rest, to focus on yourself. Allow yourself to be selfish, recharge your batteries, without limiting anyone else’s life.
Example: Various friends always asking you to do stuff? Don’t feel bad for turning them down from time to time (say no) or turning your phone off. It’s ok – you need to be happy yourself first, to be able to help them. No point in accepting to help them just to be miserable around them.
Most people are ignorant of their biases, and easily influenced, but very sure they are very independent and rational at the same time. Know this and don’t stress if people don’t behave like you think they should.
Example: Listen to people, have role models, learn from them – but always remember that they might be wrong too. You might be wrong too. Be skeptical about your skepticism. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. If someone has 25 million followers, maybe they have something good to share. But they are still human and might have bad days, make mistakes or be wrong.
“Leaving a legacy” is overrated – you don’t have to leave anything behind you, just enjoy the ride. You can, of course, choose to leave a legacy, the point is that if you do or don’t, nothing, absolutely nothing is going to be different once you die. Much better than a legacy is being there for your close ones, making something good – today.
Example: Don’t be one of those people who alienate everyone around them because of some legacy they imagine in the future. Even if you leave a legacy – you won’t be here to enjoy the fame and as you have alienated your close ones, they won’t care either.
Don’t worry too much about having some bad habits – not being perfect all the time. It’s ok to occasionally sway off the path. It will remind you why you are on the path and it will give you a chance to practice willpower and self-control. Don’t go off injecting heroin of course – it’s perfectly sane to stay away from anything too dangerous, but don’t worry too much if you sometimes miss a step and eat that croissant. Nature too isn’t without its mishaps or mistakes that take it off-balance for a while, but it always returns to its equilibrium.
Example: It’s easier to stick to a healthy lifestyle if you allow yourself some breaks from that too. Don’t burn out. Allow yourself to be lazy *sometimes*, to eat bad food *sometimes*, to be unproductive *sometimes*. Sometimes is the essential word here. Be clever about it.
Things I enjoyed recently
how friendships devolved during our time and why, and how we can fix them, by Rosie Spinks
Pretty much anything by The School of Life, like this one on Pornography or Two questions to repair a relationship [YouTube]
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